Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
