Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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