yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
