why didn't you poke me back
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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