At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
