So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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