i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
