you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
