evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
