Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
