Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
