You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
