Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
