great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
bring money and cleavage
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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