the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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