Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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