so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
