is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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