if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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