I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
