First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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