last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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