Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
