So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
