and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
