Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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