I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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