Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
