At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
