I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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