So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
