I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
