Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
