Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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