Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
