Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
