Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
