K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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