Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
