True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
