Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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