Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
