I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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