Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
