I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
