Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
