I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
