I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
