just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
