she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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