That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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