She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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