Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
